Why I go to Museums alone...

A month before Jen and I became parents for the second time (but actually the third and fourth times because we adopted two sets of siblings), we went to Chicago. And while there, I dragged Jen to the Art Institute of Chicago. We spent hours there.

I believe there are 2 types of museumgoers. One - who reads every placard in depth and voraciously learns about everything in the museum. And the one who marries that one.

I LOVE art. And I love art museums. But I am not a read every placard kind of girl. I have a very particular way I tour a museum. I walk into a room and do a quick scan of the exhibit. Then, I find one or two pieces to look at in depth. There is not set time that I'll spend with the one or two chosen pieces. I look until I am done.

This means that I generally move through museum rooms much quicker than my wife.

So, while she was meandering through a different room, I was briskly walking through a room of Abstract Expressionism when I came across a Jackson Pollock. I had never seen one in person before. I had heard that because he would place his canvasses on the ground and bend over them as he splashed paint on them, that sometimes the ashes of his cigarettes would adhere to the canvas. (Sometimes even cigarette butts).

So there I was, face to face with a Jackson Pollock and I was on a hunt for cigarette ash. I scoured every inch of that painting, getting closer and closer - until I heard a faint beeping sound. I looked around at the uncultured moron who must have touched a precious piece of art - looking down at them from my highbrow perch - until I saw a security guard get closer and closer to me.

"Ma'am, I need you to step back from the painting." He mumbled in a gruff tone, never uncrossing his arms from the front of his body.

I was mortified! Me? Me? He was talking to me! I had triggered the alarm! I jumped back as though the canvas were on fire and looked around to see who had witnessed my utter humiliation.

Luckily my wife was still in another room of the museum.

As a result, I must prefer to go to museums alone - just in case...

Greyed Rainbow - Jackson Pollock